Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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