Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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