We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize