Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
