if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
