im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
