im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize