I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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