I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
