jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is Oprah even human
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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