i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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