so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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