oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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