Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize