Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize