I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
