do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
