also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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