Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize