Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
where does the pee come out of this thing
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
