i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
