I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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