dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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