My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
