It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
