doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
