Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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