How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
