That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
