y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
