I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
