Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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