so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
