i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
