When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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