Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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