Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
