so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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