FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
