I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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