She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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