Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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