I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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