It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
