my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is Oprah even human
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
