Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
