Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts

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(540): View more from Virginia

And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...

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(406): View more from Montana

I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.

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(913): View more from Kansas

You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us

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(319): View more from Iowa

You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.

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