none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
