nut hugger
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
