drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
