Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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