the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Randomize
