I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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