i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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