I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
