so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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