It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
