He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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