I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
