So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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