and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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