I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
